The Accidental Mediator
By Ruth Sirman, CanMediate International
Have you ever been caught between 2 parties in a conflict and, even though it had nothing to do with you, you found yourself trying to get it resolved so you could get on with what you needed to do?
This happens regularly to real estate agents, project managers, general contractors, managers, HR Professionals etc. Try listing a house when the owners are in the middle of an acrimonious separation or divorce… Or try juggling the multiple wants, needs and expectations of all the players in a major project… Or try to help employees resolve conflict while still getting the work done and meeting the expectations of the employer… Any one of these scenarios can easily become crazy-making!
So how can you help keep things on track – both for the benefit of the parties in conflict but also to save your own sanity… and get the job done! A few tips:
Think before you start:
1. Talk to the people involved and encourage them to try to work it out on their own…
2. Be objectively honest with yourself about why you are stepping in… a need to get things moving, concern for the other people, for your own agenda or a desire to be the ‘hero’?
3. Keep that objective honesty going as you assess what you need to have happen… and what you think they need to have happen… and what the implications are if it fails…
4. Ask permission (at least informally) of the group involved to try to help - you need a mandate from them in order to do anything more than ask a few questions.
5. Work with them to set a time and place for the discussion (neutral territory is a good start…).
Tips for keeping things moving
1. Set clear guidelines for the discussion. Use them to bring the discussion back on track if it is getting heated. You can also remind people what you are trying to accomplish and the positive and negative potential consequences for doing / not doing it.
2. Give people a chance to constructively and respectfully share their perspective on the situation - ask others not to interrupt while someone is talking. Ground rules /guidelines can help here.
3. Provide an opportunity to ask questions and clarify issues once all have had their initial time to talk.
4. Help people stay focused on the issue(s) at hand and not get caught up in personal attacks – “Let’s keep our comments professional so we can keep our discussions constructive”
5. Listen for what seems to be important to each party – the real needs and interests are rarely articulated. Use these interests to help reframe the discussions in terms of what is important.
a. Statement: “And we are not made of money!” Reframe: “Sounds like from your perspective, the project needs to stay within the existing budget”
b. Statement: “I won’t work with someone who doesn’t pull their weight!” Reframe: “Sounds like you would like to feel that everyone is going to do their share of the work”
c. Statement: “If it’s going to be a shoddy job, I want nothing to do with it”. Reframe: “Sounds like your reputation is important to you and you need to be sure that what is delivered is a quality product”.
6. Use objective ‘arms-length from them’ criteria to assess the options put forward by the group. Ask for an agreement about what objective criteria would be acceptable. It is frequently easier for people to agree when the parameters being used come from someone (or group) who is credible to them.
7. Analyse the options presented and determine by consensus what will work best. If necessary write down any agreements and get everyone to sign on… Make sure the agreement is specific and outlines who will do what, when and how… and how will it be followed up.
8. Add a Plan “B” – what will they do if part of the agreement is not working? Or needs to be adjusted?
9. Congratulate them (and yourself) on resolving the issues and getting things back on track!
10. Get on with the rest of the work… and smile…
The Conflict Resolution Workout!!
Take a few minutes to think about:
1. When you find yourself caught in the middle of conflict that belongs to others, how do you typically respond?
2. What would be the easiest part of helping others resolve their conflicts?
3. What would be the hardest part of helping others resolve their conflicts?
4. How can you minimize the impact of other people's conflict on you personally?
Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of workplace mediation specializing in assisting groups to find practical and workable solutions to seemingly intractable conflicts. Her professional practice takes her across North America working with federal, provincial and territorial governments, corporations, NGO’s, churches, communities and the courts. She designed and teaches the acclaimed Power to Resolve Program including modules on Discovering Your Resolution Quotient, I’m OK – It’s Everyone Else Who Needs Help!!, Mastering Difficult Situations and People You Find Challenging, From Discord to Dialogue, Organziational Conflict 911. Her website is www.canmediate.com.
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Transforming Toxic Workplaces
It is unusual to hear anyone say “I am so lucky, I work in the world’s worst workplace!” Given the choice, the majority of people would prefer a workplace that is healthy, productive and where they can relax and focus on getting the job done.
But toxicity is not unusual in workplaces! And it can be overwhelming, frustrating and challenging particularly when it seems it’s being ignored. The stress can have a significant impact on our health and ability to focus. Is it hopeless? I would say ‘NO’ – it can be fixed but like many other areas of our lives we are not willing to invest in changing until we hit a pain point where things are bad enough that the situation can no longer be ignored. At that point it is more likely that the group is willing to make the changes necessary. And change is possible – we have helped many groups turn things around and create healthier working environments from toxic and difficult situations.
Check out CBC radio’s Ontario Today on Thursday March 22 for Ruth’s interview with Rita Celli on moving from “toxic” to “healthy”.
To listen in the Ottawa Canada area… CBC Ottawa 91.5 FM;
To listen Online: www.cbc.ca/ontariotoday
To call in: 1-888-817-8995
But toxicity is not unusual in workplaces! And it can be overwhelming, frustrating and challenging particularly when it seems it’s being ignored. The stress can have a significant impact on our health and ability to focus. Is it hopeless? I would say ‘NO’ – it can be fixed but like many other areas of our lives we are not willing to invest in changing until we hit a pain point where things are bad enough that the situation can no longer be ignored. At that point it is more likely that the group is willing to make the changes necessary. And change is possible – we have helped many groups turn things around and create healthier working environments from toxic and difficult situations.
Check out CBC radio’s Ontario Today on Thursday March 22 for Ruth’s interview with Rita Celli on moving from “toxic” to “healthy”.
To listen in the Ottawa Canada area… CBC Ottawa 91.5 FM;
To listen Online: www.cbc.ca/ontariotoday
To call in: 1-888-817-8995
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
Election Campaigns, Attack ads and Leadership by Ruth Sirman, CanMediate International
It’s election time in Ontario Canada and as voters we are again being treated to an ongoing series of attack ads comprised of nasty innuendoes, insults, mudslinging and name calling on TV and radio. While I understand the need for party leaders and candidates to differentiate themselves from their opponents, the maliciousness, low blows and targeted negativity that some appear to feel is acceptable behavior demonstrates a lack of respect for voters and for others involved in the political process.
The ongoing acrimony between some of the candidates in this election is a distraction from the serious issues facing the province today. And it’s frustrating for citizens who are looking for solid and credible leadership and clarity on what is planned by each candidate.
But isn’t this just what citizens should expect when there is a volatile political race underway? After all – politics is all about making points where you can and minimizing the hits someone else can take against you… isn’t it?
It may be the historical tradition but is it an effective strategy during an election campaign? Is it an acceptable strategy for politicians in general? And what is the cost??
And most importantly, what is voter reaction to this as a strategy?
When politicians and candidates are busy taking pot-shots at each other, it sets a tone of unprofessionalism and nastiness that quite frankly does not endear them to voters and does little to build confidence and trust in our leaders. I assume that the idea is based on the misguided premise that voters are ok with it. Many years ago as a child l learned from my grandmother that “we don’t make ourselves look bigger by making someone else look smaller”. It would appear to be a lesson lost on many politicians and candidates.
In my experience, much of the cynicism and skepticism that pervades our society with respect to our political system is linked to a lack of credibility and trust in our politicians. It would seem to me that if politicians are serious about wanting to increase the number of people who take our democratic political system seriously enough to show up on Election Day and cast their vote, there is a need for this credibility issue to be tackled head on.
If we look at the great leaders of history, they are characterized by a level of personal integrity and professionalism that built credibility rather than trashing it. It is hard to imagine Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Ed Broadbent, Winston Churchill, JF Kennedy or Jack Layton succumbing to the temptation to slip into personal attacks, partial truths, unsubstantiated accusations, misinformation innuendo to make their point. Yet we seem subjected to a steady stream of this in our current political climate – at all levels of government.
What are the long term implications?
There is an old African proverb that says “When 2 elephants fight it’s the grass that suffers the most”. The greatest casualty of a dirty or nasty political campaign based on is the serious discussion of serious issues requiring serious solutions.
But isn’t this just what citizens should expect when there is a volatile political race underway? After all – politics is all about making points where you can and minimizing the hits someone else can take against you… isn’t it?
It may be the historical tradition but is it an effective strategy during an election campaign? Is it an acceptable strategy for politicians in general? And what is the cost??
And most importantly, what is voter reaction to this as a strategy?
When politicians and candidates are busy taking pot-shots at each other, it sets a tone of unprofessionalism and nastiness that quite frankly does not endear them to voters and does little to build confidence and trust in our leaders. I assume that the idea is based on the misguided premise that voters are ok with it. Many years ago as a child l learned from my grandmother that “we don’t make ourselves look bigger by making someone else look smaller”. It would appear to be a lesson lost on many politicians and candidates.
In my experience, much of the cynicism and skepticism that pervades our society with respect to our political system is linked to a lack of credibility and trust in our politicians. It would seem to me that if politicians are serious about wanting to increase the number of people who take our democratic political system seriously enough to show up on Election Day and cast their vote, there is a need for this credibility issue to be tackled head on.
If we look at the great leaders of history, they are characterized by a level of personal integrity and professionalism that built credibility rather than trashing it. It is hard to imagine Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Ed Broadbent, Winston Churchill, JF Kennedy or Jack Layton succumbing to the temptation to slip into personal attacks, partial truths, unsubstantiated accusations, misinformation innuendo to make their point. Yet we seem subjected to a steady stream of this in our current political climate – at all levels of government.
What are the long term implications?
There is an old African proverb that says “When 2 elephants fight it’s the grass that suffers the most”. The greatest casualty of a dirty or nasty political campaign based on is the serious discussion of serious issues requiring serious solutions.
We have a crying need for frank and candid discussions and serious collaboration to solve the many crises facing us at a local, regional, national and global level. This means tough major decisions required to at all levels of government to move us forward into the next decades. When those discussions get mired in nastiness and the focus of the discussions is lost, we all lose.
When we elect politicians to make decisions on our behalf, we are entrusting them with the future of this country, its citizens and our contribution to the solution of global problems. We have no shortage of major problems requiring serious and credible solutions. Canadians have a right to expect leadership, integrity and credibility from their politicians – it is what we elect them to provide as they make critical decisions. Where is the professionalism in personal attacks and mud-slinging?
So as voters choose which candidate they will support in this or any election, that choice is influenced not only by how candidates conduct themselves during the election campaign but also what happens between elections. After all, how you do anything is how you do everything. And s/he who slings dirt, loses ground – at least for me and I believe for many other voters!
Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of workplace mediation specializing in assisting groups to find practical and workable solutions to seemingly intractable conflicts. Her professional practice takes her across North America working with federal, provincial and territorial governments, corporations, NGO’s, churches, communities and the courts. She designed and teaches the acclaimed Power to Resolve Program including modules on Discovering Your Resolution Quotient, I’m OK – It’s Everyone Else Who Needs Help!!, Mastering Difficult Situations and People You Find Challenging, From Discord to Dialogue, Organziational Conflict 911. Her website is www.canmediate.com
When we elect politicians to make decisions on our behalf, we are entrusting them with the future of this country, its citizens and our contribution to the solution of global problems. We have no shortage of major problems requiring serious and credible solutions. Canadians have a right to expect leadership, integrity and credibility from their politicians – it is what we elect them to provide as they make critical decisions. Where is the professionalism in personal attacks and mud-slinging?
So as voters choose which candidate they will support in this or any election, that choice is influenced not only by how candidates conduct themselves during the election campaign but also what happens between elections. After all, how you do anything is how you do everything. And s/he who slings dirt, loses ground – at least for me and I believe for many other voters!
Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of workplace mediation specializing in assisting groups to find practical and workable solutions to seemingly intractable conflicts. Her professional practice takes her across North America working with federal, provincial and territorial governments, corporations, NGO’s, churches, communities and the courts. She designed and teaches the acclaimed Power to Resolve Program including modules on Discovering Your Resolution Quotient, I’m OK – It’s Everyone Else Who Needs Help!!, Mastering Difficult Situations and People You Find Challenging, From Discord to Dialogue, Organziational Conflict 911. Her website is www.canmediate.com
For more information contact:
Ruth Sirman
President and Senior Mediator
CanMediate International
Phone: 613-256-3852
Cell: 613-298-8105
Email: rsirman@canmediate.com
Website: www.canmediate.com
Friday, 22 July 2011
Transforming Conflict in the Middle East
"If we want to have peace we must talk with our enemies. There is no need to talk with our friends - we already have peace with them" - this was said to me by an Palestinian ex-freedom fighter as we walked together to the bus at the close of the Opening Ceremonies of the Transforming Conflict Conference in Amman Jordan last night. (www.cbiworld.org). He had arrived in Amman earlier in the day with a group of Israeli Jews and Palestinians who work together to try to reduce conflict and bring peace between their countries.They are part of a group of Jews, Muslims and Christians from more than 12 countries who are spending 4 days talking together about their pain, their fears, their hopes. While they have been difficult conversations in many cases, at the same time they have been respectful and constructive conversations. And the questions being raised are similar for all sides:
The conference continues in Amman and the discussions will go on as well...
Conflict Resolution Workout!!
Think of a situation of deep-rooted intractable conflict in the world:
1. What is the cost of that conflict?
2. What have you been told - by the media, by your friends and neighbors about the situation?
3. How accurate is the information? How objective? What is the cost of filtered, inaccurate or incomplete information?
4. What can you do to start making a difference in your corner of the world?
- How do we acknowledge and reconcile the hurt and the pain caused by both sides?
- How do we create a better and safer future for our children?
- How do we get our respective governments to listen to the people and stop the aggression?
- How can we find solutions to the seemingly insurmountable problems between Israel and Palestine?
- What actions can I take as one person (Muslim, Jew, Christian) that will make a difference?
- How do we help our people to heal, so we can move forward without the pain?
The conference continues in Amman and the discussions will go on as well...
Conflict Resolution Workout!!
Think of a situation of deep-rooted intractable conflict in the world:
1. What is the cost of that conflict?
2. What have you been told - by the media, by your friends and neighbors about the situation?
3. How accurate is the information? How objective? What is the cost of filtered, inaccurate or incomplete information?
4. What can you do to start making a difference in your corner of the world?
Working as a mediator, trainer and speaker since 1992, Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of Alternative Dispute Resolution. She has been called a talented mediator, a high content speaker, an amazing trainer, a ‘tell-it-like-it-is realist, a stand up comedian with a message and a few others things as well… But no matter what you call her, know that her objective in life is to help people learn to manage the tough situations they create – and live to tell about it!
For more information, check out www.canmediate.com.
Monday, 11 July 2011
When Conflict Makes Us Crazy!
When things happen to us we have choices we can make:
1. We can take it personally (the 'ME' view) and react negatively towards the individual or group by:
2. We can look at the bigger picture (the 'SYSTEM' view) and try to see what may be going on in the larger system that may be influencing what is happening to us.. in other words we can distance ourselves from assuming that because there has been a negative impact that the intention was to hurt / upset us.
The Conflict Resolution Workout!!
Think of a situation in which you have found yourself upset / angry at another person at work, at home or in your community:
1. What was your reaction / how were you feeling at the time? how have you been feeling since?
2. What story did you tell yourself about their actions or choices?
3. To what degree did you get caught in the 'Me' view or were you able to stay in the 'System' view?
4. What action did you choose to take?
5. What would it take for you to move from the 'Me' view to the 'System' view?
6. What would you gain and what would you lose by shifting your focus?
If a quick conversation with us would help you move from the 'ME' view to the 'SYSTEM' view, send us an email at info at canmediate.com.
1. We can take it personally (the 'ME' view) and react negatively towards the individual or group by:
- get angry or hurt,
- tell ourselves a story about how unfair this is,
- get caught up in the drama and tell others about our misfortune
- go on a blamestorming binge and demonize the person or group we believe have caused us this grief
- make choices or take action to rectify the situation which frequently includes some type of retribution against the guilty party(ies) or withdrawal / pulling back to protect ourselves from any further harm.
2. We can look at the bigger picture (the 'SYSTEM' view) and try to see what may be going on in the larger system that may be influencing what is happening to us.. in other words we can distance ourselves from assuming that because there has been a negative impact that the intention was to hurt / upset us.
The broader system view provides us with the potential to:
- understand what is going on for others,
- to step back from elevating assumptions to the level of fact (and then acting on those assumptions
- to avoid getting hooked and derailed by the story we have told ourselves
- maintain our focus on our priorities and doing what is necessary to achieve our goals and objectives
- continue to work collaboratively with others in our system to achieve success
The Conflict Resolution Workout!!
Think of a situation in which you have found yourself upset / angry at another person at work, at home or in your community:
1. What was your reaction / how were you feeling at the time? how have you been feeling since?
2. What story did you tell yourself about their actions or choices?
3. To what degree did you get caught in the 'Me' view or were you able to stay in the 'System' view?
4. What action did you choose to take?
5. What would it take for you to move from the 'Me' view to the 'System' view?
6. What would you gain and what would you lose by shifting your focus?
If a quick conversation with us would help you move from the 'ME' view to the 'SYSTEM' view, send us an email at info at canmediate.com.
Working as a mediator, trainer and speaker since 1992, Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of Alternative Dispute Resolution. She has been called a talented mediator, a high content speaker, an amazing trainer, a ‘tell-it-like-it-is realist, a stand up comedian with a message and a few others things as well… But no matter what you call her, know that her objective in life is to help people learn to manage the tough situations they create – and live to tell about it!
For more information, check out www.canmediate.com.
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
Tales From the Bar Stool™ - The Role of Stories in Escalating Conflict
How often do we hear someone who is typically upset with someone else expressing sentiments like “It’s all their fault….” or “I didn’t do anything wrong…” or “It’s not fair….” or “S/he only did that to make me mad…”. When we are upset with someone else, it is easy to slip into the mindset that the other person is the author of all our woes, and if only they would realize that and CHANGE or fix things – then everything would be all right.
And there are certainly times when other people’s actions and behaviour can cause us problems. There is no denying that…. But how often if we were to ask the other person for their perspective on the situation, would they tell a very different tale?
When a conflict erupts between 2 people or a group of people, each person in that group will tell themselves a story about what is going on. I have my story, you have yours and so does everyone else involved. Initially our stories may be somewhat tentative – particularly if we are not sure about what is happening but as time goes on and particularly if the situation does not get resolved easily, the stories become more defined, more specific and more detailed. And the more frequently we tell the story – either to ourselves or to others the more the details, theories and hypothesis’ get embellished and amplified pulling in anything and everything that even remotely supports our theory of what is going on.
The challenge here is that when people get caught in the stories they tell themselves and start to see those stories as being the “True” representation of what is happening, there is the potential for problems. Because in a conflict situation, everyone has a story. And typically, everyone is firmly convinced that THEIR story is the right one… and that any other story (like yours) is WRONG… And the more we try to convince the other person of the validity of our own story… and the more they try to convince us of the validity of their story, the more entrenched we can become in our positions and the harder it becomes to resolve the problem.
So when conflict erupts in a workplace, managers and HR professionals are often left struggling to figure out who started it, where the responsibility lies and how to get things resolved to the point where people will get back to work. This can create major challenges for the manager or HR professional who may be trying to deal with what has become a battleground rather than a workplace. Typically in this type of situation, things have been brewing over a period of time and then something triggers an escalation of the situation that takes the conflict to another whole level. In some of the interventions in which we have been involved, there have been verbal and physical threats made against co-workers or the manager, people are taking sides and everyone is recruiting support wherever they can find it. There is usually another group of people who would prefer to stay out of it and just do their job – but often this becomes virtually impossible as the tension escalates. And unwittingly, many of these people are also contributing to the problem.
As the person who is trying to address the situation we have some choices in terms of how to help people address the ‘stories’ that are framing their perspectives.
While the story-telling that we do as individuals is unlikely to stop – we can choose how much power we choose to give our story simply by being aware of the times when it’s happening.
Strategies to try:
- Try being the detached observer who listens to the story and just notices how easy it is to see the ‘other’ as the villain… and then make your choice whether you want to change your story or not.
- Ask what other possibilities are there that could explain the situation? Perhaps even though they may not have succeeded well, the other person’s intention was to try and help you!! Despite the best of intentions the results are not always positive for the other person. Everyone (including you) is someone’s difficult person at some point in time.
- Question the assumptions. We often elevate assumptions to ‘Facts’. While it is unlikely we will ever stop making assumptions we can become more skilled at recognizing assumptions and more willing to question them – both when we are the one doing it but also when others may be making assumptions about us (or others). Simply posing the question in a conversation or meeting “What led you to make that decision?” or “What assumptions is that based on?” or “What leads you to believe (or say) that?” can put the assumptions on the table constructively for verification or clarification. The results from these simple questions can be astounding!
Ultimately, the best conflict management tool is constructive openness and honesty and a genuine desire to understand. This means a willingness to engage in sometimes tough discussions where we put our real issues and concerns on the table and invite others to do the same. This means that we will find ourselves in the position of needing to clarify what is causing problems for us that may be difficult for others to hear. And then we have to be prepared to listen when others may tell us things we don’t want to hear. Can we step back from getting defensive and listen for the useful messages that may help us to do things better? That takes practice and self-awareness!
Ultimately, we each have a choice as to how we want to react in any situation in which we find ourselves and while it is tempting to want to give the credit for how badly we are feeling to someone else, there is ultimate power in realizing that we are the authors of our own destiny and whether we feel good or bad is entirely up to us!
The Conflict Resolution Workout!™
The next time you become aware of a conflict (yours or someone else's), observe and listen to the story telling that happens.
In a conflict that is personal for you:
- Be aware of how it is impacting on you personally - physically, emotionally, mentally.
- How objective is the story you are telling yourself?
- Are there other possible explanations for what happened?
- What impact could your story have on the situation if it is not complete or accurate?
If the conflict is between other people:
- Have you heard everyone's story (or just one person's)?
- How similar / different are the stories?
- Are assumptions being elevated to the level of fact? - If yes, to what degree could those assumptions escalate the conflict?
- How much influence could those stories have on how this conflict evolves?
- How could you help people to understand the power of the stories they are telling? (suggestion: see the strategies
Working as a mediator, trainer and speaker since 1992, Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of Alternative Dispute Resolution. She has been called a talented mediator, a high content speaker, an amazing trainer, a ‘tell-it-like-it-is realist, a stand up comedian with a message and a few others things as well… But no matter what you call her, know that her objective in life is to help people learn to manage the tough situations they create – and live to tell about it!
For more information, check out www.canmediate.com.
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
What’s your default Conflict Blueprint™? CMI’s RUTH SIRMAN on ROGERS DAYTIME OTTAWA
Workplace conflict expert to speak about personal responses to conflict on Roger’s Daytime-Ottawa
Ruth Sirman, Mediator and Workplace Conflict Expert, will be appearing on Rogers Daytime Ottawa on Wednesday November 17, 2010 at 11:10 am to discuss our individual responses to conflict when it arises and how that response can escalate conflicts – in the workplace and in other areas of life.
What do you bring to the table in a conflict situation? Does it help or hinder resolving it?
Every human being has a default pattern that defines our instinctive reactions in conflict situations. Most of us are unaware what that pattern is, where it came from and whether it is supporting our success or impeding it. However, our own personal Conflict Blueprint is a key factor in defining our reactions, our personal leadership style, and our choices particularly in those times when our response is most important – in situations of crisis and conflict.
While there are many factors that influence what goes on in an organization, few things have the potential to derail the group’s capacity to function normally like a good conflict. And unresolved or poorly resolved conflict can rapidly escalate a minor problem into a negative dynamic that can create unparalleled levels of dysfunctionality, stress, tension and disruption. Everyone has a default Conflict Blueprint that influences their own personal reactions. In a workplace the combination of personal styles plus the organizational culture and the level and style of leadership in the organization can heavily influence the success (or failure) of the organization to achieve the results it requires for success.
“As mediators who specialize in working with large complex conflicts in dysfunctional situations, we recognize the challenges in creating work teams with positive dynamics and the capacity to deal effectively with the day to day conflicts and stressors that happen. Understanding the role that these default conflict drivers we all have, can help us to determine if our default style of addressing conflict is supporting our success or getting in our way” Sirman explains.
The increasing focus on creating healthy working environments puts an added amount of attention on conflict in the workplace. As employers, managers and employees work to create positive and healthy working environments, greater understanding and knowledge of what causes conflicts to escalate can make the difference between a dysfunctional working environment that risks complaints, grievances and investigations and a healthy working environment that contributes to a successful and productive organization.
The Conflict Resolution Workout!!
Take a few moments and think about:
1. How do you react when someone upsets you at work? at home? (are the reactions similar or different?)
2. How is your style of reacting similar or different from the styles of others in your family (mother, father, siblings, grandparents, others...)?
3. What about your reaction style works to resolve the conflict?
4. What does not work? (ie makes things worse)
5. What could you do differently that would increase your ability to resolve conflicts effectively?
Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of workplace mediation specializing in assisting groups to find practical and workable solutions to seemingly intractable conflicts. Her professional practice takes her across North America working with federal, provincial and territorial governments, corporations, NGO’s, churches, communities and the courts. She designed and teaches the acclaimed Power to Resolve Program including modules on Discovering Your Resolution Quotient, I’m OK – It’s Everyone Else Who Needs Help!!, Mastering Difficult Situations and People You Find Challenging, From Discord to Dialogue, Organziational Conflict 911. Her website is www.canmediate.com
Ruth Sirman, Mediator and Workplace Conflict Expert, will be appearing on Rogers Daytime Ottawa on Wednesday November 17, 2010 at 11:10 am to discuss our individual responses to conflict when it arises and how that response can escalate conflicts – in the workplace and in other areas of life.
What do you bring to the table in a conflict situation? Does it help or hinder resolving it?
Every human being has a default pattern that defines our instinctive reactions in conflict situations. Most of us are unaware what that pattern is, where it came from and whether it is supporting our success or impeding it. However, our own personal Conflict Blueprint is a key factor in defining our reactions, our personal leadership style, and our choices particularly in those times when our response is most important – in situations of crisis and conflict.
While there are many factors that influence what goes on in an organization, few things have the potential to derail the group’s capacity to function normally like a good conflict. And unresolved or poorly resolved conflict can rapidly escalate a minor problem into a negative dynamic that can create unparalleled levels of dysfunctionality, stress, tension and disruption. Everyone has a default Conflict Blueprint that influences their own personal reactions. In a workplace the combination of personal styles plus the organizational culture and the level and style of leadership in the organization can heavily influence the success (or failure) of the organization to achieve the results it requires for success.
“As mediators who specialize in working with large complex conflicts in dysfunctional situations, we recognize the challenges in creating work teams with positive dynamics and the capacity to deal effectively with the day to day conflicts and stressors that happen. Understanding the role that these default conflict drivers we all have, can help us to determine if our default style of addressing conflict is supporting our success or getting in our way” Sirman explains.
The increasing focus on creating healthy working environments puts an added amount of attention on conflict in the workplace. As employers, managers and employees work to create positive and healthy working environments, greater understanding and knowledge of what causes conflicts to escalate can make the difference between a dysfunctional working environment that risks complaints, grievances and investigations and a healthy working environment that contributes to a successful and productive organization.
The Conflict Resolution Workout!!
Take a few moments and think about:
1. How do you react when someone upsets you at work? at home? (are the reactions similar or different?)
2. How is your style of reacting similar or different from the styles of others in your family (mother, father, siblings, grandparents, others...)?
3. What about your reaction style works to resolve the conflict?
4. What does not work? (ie makes things worse)
5. What could you do differently that would increase your ability to resolve conflicts effectively?
Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of workplace mediation specializing in assisting groups to find practical and workable solutions to seemingly intractable conflicts. Her professional practice takes her across North America working with federal, provincial and territorial governments, corporations, NGO’s, churches, communities and the courts. She designed and teaches the acclaimed Power to Resolve Program including modules on Discovering Your Resolution Quotient, I’m OK – It’s Everyone Else Who Needs Help!!, Mastering Difficult Situations and People You Find Challenging, From Discord to Dialogue, Organziational Conflict 911. Her website is www.canmediate.com
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