Never Push A Person To The Point Where They Have Nothing To Lose...

Conflict Resolution Tip #5 - There are times when conflict seems to escalate uncontrollably - creating stress, hurt and even in cases of some conflicts - danger for those involved. And the more things escalate the more those involved can feel justified by the choices they make and the actions they take.

However, the worst possible strategy for the more powerful party in any conflict is to push the 'other' to the point where they feel they have no control over the situation because at that point they have nothing left to lose... it seems there is no way out except to fight back (and they will)... At that point those in power have created a situation where they have chosen to put themselves in jeopardy and escalated the situation unnecessarily. And if we fail to recognize our role in the situation we are deluding ourselves... and that willful blindness is an unconscionable sin against everyone involved and affected...

It's not easy - but it is critical that in this type of situation people in positions of power realize that the 'other' party may not be able to react according to what is considered normal or reasonable. That sense of being trapped and subjected to situations where the consequences are out of proportion to the infraction risks turning any human being into a reactionary who will fight for their survival.

Look at the resistance movement in WW2 and the level of commitment to 'fighting back' demonstrated by those who used any means possible to derail the German war machine. We are seeing similar resistance in many of our global conflicts these days - and we are seeing governments implementing strategies that are marketed as being necessary and justified but seem doomed to create more problems than they will solve. Part of this is that in many cases the powerful group(s) justify their attacks on the other through a victim mindset that looks only at the resistance without looking at the provocation for the resistance - and that ignores the power balance in the situation and denies the reality that the 'other' is facing - and that deflection and denial of the bigger picture is a recipe for disaster...

In a school yard if a larger, stronger individual attacks someone who is smaller / less able to fight back we call it bullying and condemn it as unreasonable, unjustified and just wrong.  On a larger global scale when governments choose strategies that attack others when it is not a level playing field feels to me like bullying on a much larger scale... and I have the sense that it feeds that sense desperation that breeds more people who are willing to resist - through whatever means they have at hand. On a global level we need to hold those countries (including our own) to account when their choices and actions create more problems than they solve.

Albert Einstein once said "Never push a loyal person until they no longer care..." I would say, never push anyone (loyal or otherwise) to the point where they have nothing to lose. It is easy to reach a tipping point where further pressure on them will escalate their response to desperation levels. And desperate people have very little to lose and a lot to gain by continuing the resistance... and even escalating it.

Ensure that everyone sees that they have some control, dignity, input and hope... and the chances for a non-violent solution increase dramatically!!! Maybe it's time to try a different strategy... Just sayin...

The Conflict Resolution Workout... 

1. Think of some of the global situations that involve serious deep rooted conflicts... 
2. What self-justifications do the group(s) in power use to justify their actions and choices?
3. How does that self-justification impede their ability to see how their actions and choices are actually escalating the conflict they say they want to resolve?
4. What will it take for both sides to step back from the stance they have taken?
5. What can you do to help?

Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of workplace mediation specializing in assisting groups to find practical and workable solutions to seemingly intractable conflicts. As a mediator and a speaker her professional practice takes her across North America and internationally working with federal, provincial and territorial governments, corporations, NGO’s, churches, communities and the courts. She designed and teaches the acclaimed Power to Resolve Program including modules on Discovering Your Conflict Blueprint, I’m OK – It’s Everyone Else Who Needs Help!!, Mastering Difficult Situations and People You Find Challenging, From Discord to Dialogue, Understanding and Resolving Organizational Conflict. For more information contact:

Ruth Sirman
President and Senior Mediator
CanMediate International
T: 613.599.8177
E: rsirman@canmediate.com
W: www.canmediate.com

Transforming Conflict in the Middle East

"If we want to have peace we  must talk with our enemies. There is no need to talk with our friends - we already have peace with them" - this was said to me by an Palestinian ex-freedom fighter as we walked together to the bus at the close of the Opening Ceremonies of the Transforming Conflict Conference in Amman Jordan last night. (www.cbiworld.org). He had arrived in Amman earlier in the day with a group of Israeli Jews and Palestinians who work together to try to reduce conflict and bring peace between their countries.They are part of a group of Jews, Muslims and Christians from more than 12 countries who are spending 4 days talking together about their pain, their fears, their hopes. While they have been difficult conversations in many cases, at the same time they have been respectful and constructive conversations. And the questions being raised are similar for all sides:

• How do we acknowledge and reconcile the hurt and the pain caused by both sides?
• How do we create a better and safer future for our children?
• How do we get our respective governments to listen to the people and stop the aggression?
• How can we find solutions to the seemingly insurmountable problems between Israel and Palestine?
• What actions can I take as one person (Muslim, Jew, Christian) that will make a difference?
• How do we help our people to heal, so we can move forward without the pain?

The conference continues in Amman and the discussions will go on as well...

Conflict Resolution Workout!!

Think of a situation of deep-rooted intractable conflict in the world:
1. What is the cost of that conflict?
2. What have you been told - by the media, by your friends and neighbors about the situation?
3. How accurate is the information? How objective? What is the cost of filtered, inaccurate or incomplete information?
4. What can you do to start making a difference in your corner of the world?

Working as a mediator, trainer and speaker since 1992, Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of Alternative Dispute Resolution. She has been called a talented mediator, a high content speaker, an amazing trainer, a ‘tell-it-like-it-is realist, a stand up comedian with a message and a few others things as well… But no matter what you call her, know that her objective in life is to help people learn to manage the tough situations they create – and live to tell about it!

For more information, check out www.canmediate.com.