Discover Your RQ – Your Relationship and Resolution Quotient™

I had a conversation with my grandmother many years ago about a conflict in which I found myself and how the other person in the conflict had caused me so much grief and stress. It was just not fair!! My grandmother’s response has stuck with me over the years. She said “Ruth, I have been a part of many situations over the course of my life (she was 95 at the time) – and no matter what the situation was, or who was involved, there is one thing that is always the same. I bring ME to every situation in which I am involved…and so I own part of everything that happens to me.”

Her point was well taken. As human beings, we have a default blueprint for how we deal with conflict and difficult situations that we have developed over the course of our lifetime. This blueprint often operates in the background and we may be totally unaware of how it is impacting our decisions and actions unless we choose to delve into what the blueprint is and what influence it is having in our lives. How do we do that?

CanMediate International is offering a course called Discover Your RQ in Ottawa, ON Canada on Oct 7 as a fundraiser for the United Way / Centraide Ottawa. We have waived the tuition fees and will collect donations to the United Way / Centraide instead. For more information check out our website at www.canmediate.com or contact us at 613-256-3852.

Conflict Resolution Workout!!
Take a few moments and consider the following questions:
1. When you encounter a difficult situation or a conflict, what is your typical response?
2. How does this response change if you change the context (ie workplace v.s. home?)?
3. What works about this approach?
4. What does not work about this approach? (what could you do better?)
5. Who do you know in your family who tends to use a similar approach to conflict?
6. What areas of managing conflict could you improve in terms of your skills and approach?
7. How will you improve your skill levels and approach?
8. Create a plan of 3 actions that you will take within the next 7 days. Write them down and share them with someone who can help you achieve your goals.

Ruth Sirman, CanMediate International, is a professional mediator and trainer who teaches the same skills she has used since 1996 to help groups resolve conflicts in government, corporations, communities, churches and schools. For more information, check out her website at www.canmediate.com

What is Your Leadership RQ? - Conflict Management for Leaders

Has unexpected conflict ever created serious problems in your organization?
Do 20% of your employees consume 80% of your time?
Have you ever walked away from a situation unhappy with the way you handled it? Or laid awake at night trying to figure out the best way to handle a situation?

Leadership is one of the most used words in the workplace vocabulary these days. But what does it mean? Is it where our name sits on the Org Chart? Is it the job classification category that we hold or the number of direct reports we have? Is it our vision for the organization and our capacity to take the organization in that direction? Is it the personal skills and attributes that we bring to the role that we have? Can one be a leader without the fancy office, the position title and the big salary? What influence does ‘who’ we are have on how we lead?

If we take a group of individuals and bring them together, give them a mandate and a job to do, provide some resources, develop policies and procedures and put someone in charge we have created an organization. But not every organization meets its mandate or achieves what it set out to do. What makes the difference between a group that efficiently gets the job done and one that limps along achieving mediocre results at best (and typically making excuses for the ongoing failure to produce results).

The level and style of leadership in the organization is often the tipping point between success and failure to achieve results. There are many factors that influence what is going on in an organization but few things have the potential to derail the group’s capacity to function normally like a good conflict. And unresolved or poorly resolved conflict can rapidly escalate a minor problem into a negative dynamic that can create unparalleled levels of dysfunctionality, stress, tension and disruption.

The style of leadership in managing interpersonal and organizational conflicts is a major factor influencing the way employees react when they find themselves facing problems. Every human being has a default pattern that defines our instinctive reactions in conflict situations. Most of us are unaware what that pattern is, where it came from and whether it is supporting our success or impeding it. As leaders, our level of influence in our organizations is significant. Thus our own personal Conflict Blueprint is a key factor in defining our leadership style, particularly in those times when our leadership is most important – in situations of crisis and conflict.

Ruth Sirman is a professional mediator and trainer who teaches the same skills she has used since 1996 to help groups resolve conflicts in government, corporations, communities, churches and schools. For more information, check out her website at www.canmediate.com.