Most people are very kind to their friends and to their family (at
least most of the time) - but we are often very unkind and harsh with
ourselves. The New Year is often a time when we feel internal conflict
with ourselves - that gut feeling of dissatisfaction coupled with a
strong January resolve to change things and do things 'differently' and 'better' in the coming weeks and months.
Of course broken resolutions litter the landscape of February... and
bring with them a sense of having failed or let ourselves down...
Let's be kind and gentle with ourselves this year and focus on being
'ok' with who we are and what we have... That's not to say we have to
accept the status quo as the only way things can be... we have an
amazing capacity to change and adjust our lives but when the foundation
under it all is one of guilt, self-hate and self-inflicted put-downs, we
need to tune-up the way we treat ourselves.
Have you ever
spent time with someone who is negative, nasty and mean? Aren't they fun
to be around??? Would they be your ideal traveling companion on a
vacation?? - Probably NOT!! Most of us choose our friends better than
that... and yet we are often nastier, meaner and more negative to
ourselves than we are to our friends... and no matter how hard I try
it's hard to get away from myself!!
So given that I am the only
person I can guarantee I will spend my entire life with - 24/7/365
from the day I'm born until the day I die... I need to find a way to be a
good traveling companion to myself...
So my challenge to you
(and to myself) this January 3rd is to look for ways to minimize that
internal conflict... to choose to walk away from the fight where we have
to play both the villain and the victim as we beat ourselves up and to
find self-acceptance, kindness and gentleness for the most important
person in our lives - US!! I believe our ability to solve many of the
other conflicts in our lives is directly connected to how we deal with
this internal conflict... The old adage - "you can't truly love someone
else until you love yourself" makes a lot of sense.
So my
commitment to ME this year is to look for the best in me, to accept that
I am where I am (on every level) and to be gentle and kind with myself
over the things I want to change. In the long run it's healthier and I
believe our success depends on it!
You are welcome to post
about the challenges you see for yourself in this area... Let's get a
conversation going and lets support each other to build a better world
for ourselves, our neighbours and our children...
Ruth
Join the conversation on Facebook!
The Conflict Resolution Workout!!
Take a few minutes and think about:
1. When are you most likely to gang up on yourself? What triggers it?
2. How do you feel when you're under attack by your best friend and worst enemy - you?
3. What impact does this internal battle have on you? On your relationships at home and at work?
4. What would it be like to feel comfortable with yourself as you are?
5. What is 1 small change you could make that would let you be kinder and gentler to yourself?
Ruth Sirman is a veteran in the world of workplace mediation
specializing in assisting groups to find practical and workable
solutions to seemingly intractable conflicts. Her professional practice
takes her across North America working with federal, provincial and
territorial governments, corporations, NGO’s, churches, communities and
the courts. She designed and teaches the acclaimed Power to Resolve
Program including modules on Discovering Your Resolution Quotient, I’m
OK – It’s Everyone Else Who Needs Help!!, Mastering Difficult Situations
and People You Find Challenging, From Discord to Dialogue,
Organziational Conflict 911. Her website is www.canmediate.com
Thursday, 3 January 2013
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